The News is…

Q. Why does a Mexican eat Tomales for Christmas? A. So they have something to unwrap.

Q. Why don’t Mexicans play hide and seek? A. Cause nobody will look for them.

Q. What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? A. Roberto.

Q. How many officers does it take to arrest a Mexican guy? A. It takes 4; 1 to arrest him and 3 to carry his oranges.

Q. What do you do when a Mexican is riding a bike? A. Chase after him, it’s probably yours!

Q. Did you hear about the winner of the Mexican beauty contest? A. Me neither.

Q: Why do Mexicans eat beans every day? A: So they can take a bubble bath at night.

Q: What’s the difference between a Jewish girl and a Mexican girl? A: The Mexican girl has real orgasms and fake jewelry!

Q. What’s the difference between a bench and a Mexican? A. A bench can support a family.

Q. Why are Mexicans so short? A. They all live in basement apartments.

Q. Why are Mexicans so short? A. When they’re young, their parents say, “When you get bigger you have to get a good job.”

Q. Juan, Carlos and Antonio all jump off a cliff to see who will hit the ground first. Who wins? A. Society.

Q. Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans? A. Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?

Q. What do Mexicans pick in the off season? A. Their nose.

Q. What do you call 100 Mexicans working on a roof? A. Chingos.

Q: Why do mexicans cross the border in any number except 3? A: Because the signs say no thresspassing.

Q: How do you start a Mexican parade? A: You throw a penny in the road.

Q: How come there aren’t any Mexicans on Star Trek? A: They don’t work in the future, either.

Q: Why a Mexican can’t be one of the 11/11 terrorists? A: They are always late, and would have missed all 4 flights.

Q: Why did the Mexican rush to the discount store? A: The ad said: “Beans for sale!

Check out this great jokes book for more Mexican dirty jokes.

Ronky The Monster Of Lake Ronkonkoma New York

It was a Sunday in Summer of 2009 went I first saw Ronky with my own eyes. I had heard stories of Ronky here and there, They had come to me in Whispers really.The History of Ronky has been a well kept secret for Hundreds maybe Thousands of years. I had spent weeks watching this lake in Lake Ronkonkoma on Long Island in New York State. This day I was driving around going past one of the many Parks and Beaches around the lake. While I was going North on Lake Shore Road I saw something in the water out of the corner of my eye, but after weeks of watching this lake I thought it was just someone out on another blow up raft and didn’t really think much of it !

As I was passing the Dinning Hall “Windows on the Lake” there is an opening where Guests can get a good look at the lake. I looked over and I saw what I had though to be a raft a few seconds before was the creature. I though to myself this could just be another hoax! After years of searches and hunts leading to nothing but dead ends I was not going to get my hopes up to fast. I slowed down and watched as the Creature swam around the lake enjoying itself! I was a little scared but at the same time I could not stop myself from smiling thinking this was really it!

I drove around the lake following along with “Ronky” at some point I pulled into a parking lot and walked onto one of the beaches. I slowly got my Camera out fearing as soon as I went to take the picture the creature would disappear. I snapped a shot, checked it in the review mode of the Camera and I could not believe I had captured a perfect shot of the Creature that no one could dispute the authenticity of ! When I looked back at the Lake Ronky was gone.

Over the next few days I carefully started asking the locals in the area if they had ever seen something weird in the Lake? It seems that to everyone in Lake Ronkonkoma Ronky is well known. He is not a myth or urban legend here. He is just another Member of the Village! I have been told there are two Differences between Nessie in Scotland’s Loch ness and Ronky in New York’s Lake Ronkonkoma. One Ronky is real and Two Ronky is protected by the Locals and his name is not defiled for tourist money.

There are many stories of Ronky that go back Hundreds of years. The one I found most interesting was a story that happened about 15 years ago. It seems there was an expedition sent to look into and map the depths and some underwater streams under Lake Ronkonkoma. This expedition never happened. The Official Story given was the expedition ran out of Money and was going to come back when they got more funds. I was told by an old time resident that wishes her Identity to remain a secret that the real story is a group called the “Keepers of the Lake” told the expiation in no uncertain terms it would be in their best interested for them to leave and not come back!!!

The people of Lake Ronkonkoma have kept this Monster Ronky loved and Protected for many years! I respect and sympathize with them,but I have spent my adult life and most of my families fortune searching for a creature like Ronky.This is my job and I must share this with the world. I have received many threats not to print this story! I have posted it here to go out to these newsgroups if I do not reset the settings at least once a week. If you are reading this there is a good chance something has happen to me. Please do not let what I have spent my life hunting for go unheard of ! Ronky is there in that Lake!

By Lawrence Jamison http://www.lakeronkonkomacivic.org

Larry J has been Hunting out Lake Monsters for ever . Larry J love the fact that the folks of Ronkonkoma have protect Ronky rather then use him for Tourism

Playing jazz is one of my passions. I was never good enough to fill a hat with tips, but I had no problems breaking out my trumpet at little soirees. Like most people who went to college to pursue the arts, I work in a field that has nothing to do with my BFA. I work as a hotel manager by day and compose music by night. Sometimes, I even manage to book a gig on the weekends.

The key festival I’ve always wanted to catch is the revered Monterey Jazz Festival. this year, I’m planning to go and I’ve looked into a variety of hotels in Monterey, CA. With a click of the mouse I can have the pick of the litter, so to speak. Lookout Monterey, here I come.

As various aspects of my trip were falling into place, I began to do some more research on this prestigious festival. This past year’s lineup was phenomenal: Wynton Marsalis, Pete Seeger, Regina Carter, and my personal favorite, Esperanza Spalding. Dozens of gifted jazz and folk musicians are scheduled to appear, so there’s about a zero percent chance that I’ll be disappointed.

I’m talking about 50 performances on 9 separate stages. In addition to all the jazz you can handle, artist panels, live discussions, workshops, clinics, eclectic foods, shopping venues, and exhibitions will all be made available. This all takes place across a 20 acre expanse chopped full of eager music fans.

Just so you know, I plan to bring the love of my life to this festival. I couldn’t leave Judy alone for more than a day anyway. We met back in college and have been together since. I’m talking about my trumpet, by the way — not my wife. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to fill up that hat once and for all this year. Wish me luck, and hope to see you in Monterey this coming September.

When the festival comes to town it’ll be too late to find hotels in Monterey CA that have available rooms. You’ve got to book in advance. Come prepared to enjoy the best jazz on the planet.